We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
