and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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