My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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