WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
