I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
