She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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