What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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