I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
