she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
