That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Acid is not a monday night drug
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
