I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
