the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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