So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
