my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
