what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
