the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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