): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
