i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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