i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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