and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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