She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
