My sheets look like a crime scene.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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