you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
