I can text with my tongue
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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