giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My vagina just clenched in fear
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
