Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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