so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
