she smelled like a LAN party
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
