Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
even my farts smell like vagina
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
