He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
