who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
