Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
