Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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