tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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