i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He did a backflip because drugs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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