Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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