is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
