I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
