I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
