If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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