I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
