thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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