ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
