I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
