White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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