u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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