It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dicks are not precious.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
