there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
