R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
