the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
