ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
