Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
