every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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