I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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